The Goddess of Purple
by Goddess Heather
Summary: So Spike's hair is PURPLE!?! First in the Life, Liberty and Pursuite of a Good Used Car series


Title: The Goddess of Purple  
  
Summery: Ummm is there suppose to be a plot? We can't have that you know!  
  
Rating:  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy. No offence to any Gods or Goddess is  
  
intended in this story. No puppies were hurt in the making of this.  
  
Pairing: S/X  
  
Warnings: Danger Will Robinson, Danger! Umm sorry out of series flash,  
  
rampant silliness is here so uhhh, be forewarned.  
  
"Watcher open th' bleeding door!" Spike pounded on the door, for if humans  
  
couldn't take the burnt of Spike's need for destruction, then well all the  
  
doors in Sunnydale better beware!  
  
"Spike would you please refrain fro- Oh good Heavens! Your hair is purple!"  
  
"Yes! It's purple! Flamin', bleedin', brilliant bright purple! Now that  
  
we have established this could we do something about changing it?"  
  
"Oh, well I might be able to whip up something, would you prefer a dark  
  
green or more of a sea?"  
  
"This is not a time to be joking Watcher!" Spike pointly ignored the fact  
  
that the corners of the watcher's mouth were turned up and the way his  
  
breath hitched just slightly with inheld laughter.  
  
"Spike, I don't know who died your hair, or how they managed to get your  
  
eyebrows and eyelashes too, or what you expect me to do about it."  
  
"Well for starters- wait they got my eyebrows? AND eyelashes!?" Spike's  
  
eyes widened, "Oh I know they bloody didn't! Hold on a mo' watcher!" Giles  
  
watched in amusement as Spike turned his back, then in horror as he heard a  
  
zipper go down. He would have said something, but for fear that Spike might  
  
turn around. "Oh they bloody did! Heads are gonna roll tonight!"  
  
"Whose head, Bleach boy?" Xander asked as he walked in.  
  
"Maybe yours Whelp. You know anything about my hair?"  
  
"umm you gel it back? Is this a trick question?"  
  
"No you ponce! My hair is purple and I want to know how it happened!"  
  
Xander studied Spike's hair intently. "Well it does look darker, but  
  
otherwise-"  
  
"What is your problem Whelp? My hair 's neon purple! Of course it's  
  
different!"  
  
"Oh well there ya go! I'm color blind. Everyone always wonders how someone  
  
can manage to flunk kindergarden, but I did it. They figured out my problem  
  
the second time around, but it was worth it, that's how I met Willow."  
  
"That certainly explains the fashion statement! It's so far gone, it's  
  
actually an anti-statement."  
  
Buffy came storming in, "Look at me! My entire wardrobe is in some way  
  
purple! This was my favorite outfit, now look at it!" Buffy indicated the  
  
lilac haltertop, and a short plum colored leather mini-skirt. Spike leered,  
  
Xander shrugged in confusion, and Giles took off his glasses and cleaned  
  
them, the world may never know why.  
  
"I don't see anything wrong pet," Spike said still leering.  
  
"Plum and lilac do NOT go together! They are totally opposite ends of the  
  
purple spectrum. It's all gone, ruined!" Buffy broke down in tears.  
  
"Giles we have big problem here!" Tara and Willow came running in. Spike  
  
immediately took notice of Tara's purple hair.  
  
"Bleedin' 'ell! They got you too!"  
  
Tara blushed, "no I umm, didthisonpurpose."  
  
"Giles the town is over-run with purple pigmy elephants, with wings! Two  
  
planes have already crashed due to visual interference. Look!" Willow  
  
flung open Giles front door. Sure enough; chaos. People were running in  
  
terror. Cars were stalled in the street, purple pigs colored form every  
  
range of the spectrum, from a deep plum red to light blue lavender.  
  
A pack, gaggle?, flock? What DO you call a group of winged purple pigs  
  
anyway? strolled down the street. A HUGE pig, really more like a boar came  
  
flying in. His- oh wait no, defiantly a her as everyone got a good look  
  
while the pig was circling coloring was a deep pure purple with pink polka  
  
dots. She appeared to be circling in for a landing, everyone ducked as she  
  
flew a little to close to their heads. She disappeared behind the sofa and  
  
everyone heard a loud crash and a voice say, "I'll pay for that!"  
  
A woman stood up from behind the sofa. "I never could get that landing thing  
  
right," she muttered to herself, flipping her long, curling, lavender hair  
  
hung to her waist over a shoulder. She defiantly wasn't thin, but she  
  
carried her weight well. She flashed them all a smile, spreading her  
  
sparkling purple lips wide.  
  
"So, you like?"  
  
"WHAT!?!" You're the one responsible for this?!" Spike tugged on his  
  
purple hair.  
  
"Well that's why I was brought here, right? To liven the place up, put in a  
  
little purple and piazza."  
  
"Who invoked you?"  
  
"The pretty little purple head in the corner."  
  
"Spike!" exclaimed Xander, "but that doesn't make any sense, he wants his  
  
hair back to the way it was."  
  
"Not me, you idiot! Tara! I'm not even in a corner!"  
  
"I didn't mean for this to happen!" Tara defended herself. "I just wanted  
  
to dye my hair and have it not fade. Goddess Heather, couldn't you um fix  
  
this?"  
  
Giles either got over his shock, put on his glasses and realized what was  
  
happening, or most likely his thirst for knowledge made him ask, "You're a  
  
Goddess? What are you Goddess of?"  
  
"I am Goddess Heather, I rule over plants, knitting, the color purple, and  
  
the number 7. I would be considered the Goddess of purple flying pigs,  
  
since I created them, but they were already covered under Bob, God of  
  
creatures that are suppose to be flightless but aren't. He wanted,  
  
flightless but well, that's really a different story. Anyway I think  
  
everybody just looks lovely, and the pigs will move on by themselves, but I  
  
must warn you that this will probably become a bi-annual thing. They are  
  
very particular about their migratory path…"  
  
"You can not just leave us like this!" Exclaimed Spike.  
  
"My outfits are ruined!" Declared Buffy, who then went back to sobbing.  
  
"Well, frankly Heather, I don't see what the problem is."  
  
"That's because you're bloody color blind!"  
  
Heather looked shocked, "you mean you can't see any colors at all?" Heather  
  
sounded shocked.  
  
"Yep, it's okay though I've never known anything different."  
  
"Well technically a person can't be completely color blind, just unable to  
  
distinguish between two- wait why am I pointing out plot holes in my own  
  
stor-" Goddess Heather shuddered, "sorry, out of author experience. But  
  
you poor boy!" Heather pulled Xander's head down to her chest. She slowly  
  
ran her hands around Xander's head, humming and hawing, "do you use  
  
conditioner? You're hair is so silky." A blush from Xander and "ah-ha!  
  
That's the problem!"  
  
"What's the problem?"  
  
"Well you have a faulty gene on your x chromosome. A few other genetic  
  
mishaps, but I fixed them all sweetie. I can tell you deserve a break."  
  
Xander blinked, his eyes cleared, he looked around at his world that was  
  
suddenly in color. "Wow! Everything—it's so so, bright and oh my god,  
  
Spike and Tara I love your hair! C'mon Spike."  
  
"Where are we going whelp?"  
  
"See if the rest of you is just as colorful."  
  
Spike looked over at Heather shocked, Heather winked and said, "well my work  
  
here is done. See you on Tuesday, Giles." And with that Heather  
  
disappeared in a cloud of smoke.  
  
"What did she mean by that Giles?" asked Willow.  
  
"Umm knitting club, now out with the lot of you, it's time for all alive  
  
people to be in bed."  
  
"Undead too." Piped up Xander.  
  
"I'm not tired pet."  
  
"Who said anything about sleeping?" Xander dragged a smirking and still  
  
purpled Spike out the door.  
  
The End  
  
sighs of relief  
  
Well I didn't make you read it ya know, and I warned in advance!  
  
What do mean there weren't any puppies?!  
  
Post The End  
  
Spike kicked a puppy on the way home, and got no nooky from Xander…for about  
  
five minutes. Xander is a red blooded teenage American, plus Giles has  
  
really good linoleum.  
  
There? Happy? Well you should be! 


End file.
